In which the Authress searches her Soul and passes through a Dark Night Thereof, but then returns to the Optimism more natural to her Youth
This will be a shock to precisely no one who's talked to/heard from me in the last few weeks, but I'm going to be attending grad school at Berkeley. I just completed the official-sounding Statement of Intent to Register on the website yesterday.
I'm really excited, as well as a little apprehensive. Because of the years of hard work and no money grad school involves, and the really terrible academic job market that awaits those who finish, the general advice I've heard on grad school says that you should only go if you are completely convinced it's the right decision.
I feel like complete conviction is some sort of shy wildlife that appears regularly to everyone else but eludes me, even after I've spent hours, guidebook in hand, wading through brush and wet leaves. To clarify that pretty lousy simile: I tend to go through long periods where I'm happy with the future I've pictured for myself and can see myself enjoying a life in academia. Unfortunately, sandwiched between these longer periods are times where I picture myself waking up on my thirtieth birthday and realizing that I've spent the better part of my youth doing something that has not really made me happy or improved anyone's life. Being abroad doesn't really help, since the European lifestyle is something that you can really get used to.
Still, I've sort of come to realize that I don't have to plan all my life out at age 23. If I don't at least try getting a Ph.D., I think there will be a time when I'll look back and regret it. So I think that this is the right decision, and that a lot of hard work will get me to where I want to go. If it isn't, I hopefully won't need seven years to figure it out. And it's not like Europe, and Berlin, are going anywhere. I can come back.
The only other thing that makes me sort of sad about going to Berkeley is that, just when I'm looking forward to doing a stint on the West Coast, my parents are in the Midwest, and my sister and most of my friends are out East. But I think the solution to this problem is obvious: people will just have to come visit me and tank up on sunshine before returning to their snowdrifts and pale winter sun.
Don't forget to wear a flower in your hair :).
I'm really excited, as well as a little apprehensive. Because of the years of hard work and no money grad school involves, and the really terrible academic job market that awaits those who finish, the general advice I've heard on grad school says that you should only go if you are completely convinced it's the right decision.
I feel like complete conviction is some sort of shy wildlife that appears regularly to everyone else but eludes me, even after I've spent hours, guidebook in hand, wading through brush and wet leaves. To clarify that pretty lousy simile: I tend to go through long periods where I'm happy with the future I've pictured for myself and can see myself enjoying a life in academia. Unfortunately, sandwiched between these longer periods are times where I picture myself waking up on my thirtieth birthday and realizing that I've spent the better part of my youth doing something that has not really made me happy or improved anyone's life. Being abroad doesn't really help, since the European lifestyle is something that you can really get used to.
Still, I've sort of come to realize that I don't have to plan all my life out at age 23. If I don't at least try getting a Ph.D., I think there will be a time when I'll look back and regret it. So I think that this is the right decision, and that a lot of hard work will get me to where I want to go. If it isn't, I hopefully won't need seven years to figure it out. And it's not like Europe, and Berlin, are going anywhere. I can come back.
The only other thing that makes me sort of sad about going to Berkeley is that, just when I'm looking forward to doing a stint on the West Coast, my parents are in the Midwest, and my sister and most of my friends are out East. But I think the solution to this problem is obvious: people will just have to come visit me and tank up on sunshine before returning to their snowdrifts and pale winter sun.
Don't forget to wear a flower in your hair :).
posted by Q at
11:04 AM
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